Declaration of Thanksgiving Independence in my Black household
My response to People's "Family Code of Conduct" post
Dear Family,
This year at Thanksgiving, I would like you to seriously “respect my efforts to improve family dynamics,” as this lady demands. Except I don’t want to do anything she said.
My Rules for Thanksgiving
Dress Code: I demand that you show up to dinner wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, a blouse or suit coat, loafers or Skechers (and occasionally Jordans), fresh from the African braid lady or with a relaxer, a head wrap or cap, or the occasional dress and way-too-matchy hat, shirt, jeans and shoes. I know we are not trying to win a photo competition with “smart casual” attire. If you have glue on your shirt from the Thanksgiving centerpieces, we’ll just compliment your arts and crafts. If you made a considerable amount of the Thanksgiving dinner or the Thanksgiving appetizers, wear your head wrap. We understand. Just don’t show up in pajamas. That’s a step too far. Meanwhile, I will always show up with a Thanksgiving themed shirt or a random pair of heels I have not worn all year. It’s my thing. Been doing it for years.
Conversations: As we did in 2008, 2012, 2016, 2020 and as long as we survive 2024-28, we must immediately let out a long, deep sigh about the Hawaiian/Chicagoan who was extremely qualified to be president. Then, we can talk about how smoothly it was for the white guy to work with him as second in command and then (after his third try) finally make it as the head of the Oval Office.
Recommended Read: “Two black women make history as first U.S. Senators serving simultaneously ~ 2024 presidential election wasn't totally on the wrong side of history”
Yes, we can talk about why we thought both women were more qualified than the white supremacist playing dumb about Project 2025, who now has supporters headed to the White House. But can that prayer the deacon gives have a reminder about how we historically are on the right side of history — even when a few lost causes were at Trump’s rallies? We historically all voted for both of those ladies, vote against hatred, vote against sexism, vote against the phobias and vote for common decency.
And when am I going to have to stop adding a reminder to thank Native Americans (indigenous people) in your prayer for this day? They got the raw end of this holiday, and they should be the first people we thank!
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn a percentage for each purchase with my referral links.
Overlapping Conversations: None of us will stop until we make our point, so we may as well listen to each other like a “respectful debate club.” The occasional eye roll or eye contact with a bonding relative will happen anyway. The “final arbiter” is a lost cause. This person will usually walk away to do the dishes but occasionally yell something from the kitchen. (In my household, this person disappears to watch "the game” or MeTV).
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn a percentage for each purchase with my referral links.
Anti-Vaxxers: Tell them to stay at home. If you don’t care about your own health, that’s your problem. Don’t take the rest of us out with you.
Singles and Married Couples With No Kids: Some people just don’t like kids. You asking married couples without kids or happily single people why they don’t have kids is not going to change that. You could always adopt or have your own kids if their child count is ruining your day. Have a little grace. In 2021, the maternal mortality rate for Black women was 69.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, 2.6 times the rate of white women. And with the Supreme Court’s response to Roe v. Wade, nowadays pregnancy and birth control is a matter of basic health care (before the GOP tries for the 71st time to take away the Affordable Care Act) and survival, on top of pain being dismissed.
Visitors: If visitors pop up and complain about not wanting to talk about politics, can we just call them out for not voting at all? We know a demographic online commonly says this because of their own guilt after voting for a racist, sexist, xenophobic, elitist, dictator lover, but in our household, we can admit that not voting at all is almost equally dumb.
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
(As an Amazon affiliate, I do earn a percentage from purchases with my referral link.)
Omnivores: If you pick at your relatives who are vegans and vegetarians for “not having enough protein,” they have full permission to give you play-by-plays of what happens in slaughterhouses and play the videos. FAFO. But my plant-based folk, if they leave you alone for being a vegan or vegetarian, don’t be the obnoxious one who lectures them about turkey, cornish hens or collard greens with pork. Let everybody have their food fun.
Recommended Read: “Thanksgiving Salad for a Healthy Perk on Your Plate”
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
(As an Amazon affiliate, I do earn a percentage from purchases with my referral link.)
Most importantly, enjoy yourself and be you. None of us are the boss of you on Thanksgiving or any other day.
Did you enjoy this post? You’re also welcome to check out my Substack columns “Black Girl In a Doggone World,” “BlackTechLogy,” “Homegrown Tales,” “I Do See Color,” “One Black Woman’s Vote” and “Window Shopping” too. Subscribe to this newsletter for the weekly posts every Wednesday.
If you’re not ready to subscribe but want to support my writing, you’re welcome to tip me for this post! I’ll buy a dark hot chocolate on you. Thanks for reading!