Black women, please ignore the OkCupid study
Other people’s idea of beauty can become a self-fulfilling prophecy
Dating. I’m no expert. Ironically, I keep getting affiliated with dating sites though. I’ve written more than 50 reviews about online dating for one company and am a social media manager for two other accounts. Occasionally you’ll see me talking about my dating life on “We Need to Talk.” So it’s not a big surprise when I receive interview requests from sociologists and lifestyle reporters wanting to talk to me about dating and race. “We Need to Talk” and “I Do See Color” are a happy medium on both topics. But if there is one thing I wish interviewers would stop asking me about, it’s that irksome OkCupid study.
By now you probably know the results: User data showed that most men on the dating app rated black women as less attractive than women of other races and ethnicities. “Grown-ish” even created an episode around the topic.
There’s nothing wrong with the information being released based on user data. However, I’m noticing the same disturbing trend with this OkCupid study that I did with both of cosmetic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva’s studies. Too many black women are reading these “most beautiful face” stats, going “I told you so” and throwing in the towel. Stop. Doing. This.
I don’t think people realize they’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy when asking me about this. But I can almost hear the disappointment when I respond that, within a couple of months of joining that dating app, I received one of those automated emails about being one of the “most attractive people on OkCupid” (arguably to keep me coming back). A couple of years ago, I even became an OkCupid moderator while I was dating someone — partially because I wanted to keep my account active in case he did something stupid and the other half because I got tired of people posting random cartoons and their pets instead of themselves.
Do I think I’m the “most attractive” person on the site? Nope. But I damn sure think I’m attractive, and anyone who has a problem with that is just going to have to tell their optomologist ’cause I’m not trying to hear it.