Are the vibes changing when it comes to child-free Black women?
Childless Black women are not a threat to those who enjoy motherhood
If I was asked for an estimated amount of times that someone has said, “You'll change your mind about having kids — because I did,” my guess is at least 50 times. And when I see those same women now, minus one who genuinely believes having kids creates instant caregivers who she can live with, they kinda chuckle and go, “You were serious.”
I was indeed. As far as I'm aware, I’ve never had any health issues that would stop me from procreating. But the idea of being a mother never excited me, and childbirth alone looks terrifying. (I was in the hospital room when a childhood friend gave birth. I cried so much the doctor asked if I was OK.)
But I'm not alone on the childless front.
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In recent years, a growing number of women in the United States have chosen to live without children, either temporarily or permanently, including child-free Black women. More Black women are openly embracing lives centered on careers, personal freedom, creative pursuits, community leadership and financial independence. That doesn't mean mothers can't be leaders, have careers or enjoy alone time. However, the mindset of those who believe you must be in the first club in order to be in the other three is changing.
Life goal shift in Black womanhood
According to research highlighted by the Institute for Family Studies, approximately 4 million American women reach ages 40 to 50 without having children. This number may seem strange to the average woman born during the Lost Generation, Baby Boomers and Generation Xers, when motherhood was widely considered a universal milestone of adulthood. However, Millennials and Generation Y are broadening their mindsets on motherhood.
The share of childless women ages 40 to 44 who never had a child rose from approximately 15.3% to roughly 18.8% over the past decade. While these statistics include women from all racial and ethnic groups, both media depictions and familial depictions are revealing how child-free Black women are changing this narrative.
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No, childless women aren't an embarrassment or sick
I recall sitting outside of a cafe, enjoying a book when a man sat down at my table, immediately drilling me with questions about why I should date him. I was almost tickled when he insisted we should “get KFC together,” especially considering I had already started my vegetarian journey. Although he was not my physical type nor mentally interesting to me, I humored his conversation until he gasped at me saying I wasn't a mother.
He asked about future kids. I immediately said it would never happen. And he hung his head and said I was an embarrassment to womanhood and something must be physically wrong with me. I paused. I could have cursed him out and caused a scene, but I honestly just wanted to return to my book. After a few more minutes, I gave him my number and he walked away. At least he thought it was my number. It was actually the number to my multi-function fax machine. For the rest of the week, when I heard the fax ringing and nothing being printed, I wondered how long it would take the Motherhood Police before he realized what happened.
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