PSA: Black women are allowed to go on dates
The Lori Harvey hate unleashes men’s own insecurities
Outside of Beyonce, there is probably no black woman who rattles hoteps’ cages quite like Lori Harvey. From the breakup with Michael B. Jordan to the rumored nondisclosure dating agreement, everybody has an opinion on how this one woman should behave.
“Good men” everywhere have unleashed a flurry of insults at Lori Harvey — calling her everything from a whore to the “problem” in the relationship to someone who will be “lonely” in her 40s. A few are even going into outbursts about how women only want men with a lot of money, a criminal record and several baby mommas, which makes even less sense considering none of the men she was rumored to have dated have a criminal record — or at least were declared innocent in court. (And she removed herself from the guy with eight baby mommas fairly early on.)
Then comes the weirdo response that she must be a “pass around” if the man hasn’t bought her a home (she can afford her own), put her name on his account (as though she’s not a model and beauty influencer making bank) or changed her last name.
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
As an Amazon affiliate, I earn a percentage from each product purchased using my referral link.
You. All. Are. Exhausting. And the women who hate her just as much as the men make me ponder on whether their real issue is they’re not her nor have they ever had similar dating options. Dating is not a foreign concept, and Lori Harvey didn’t invent it. Hanging out with someone with a penis for more than an hour doesn’t mean you have to immediately sleep with him.
So let’s get through some more basics, shall we?
This is how dating works
In order to decide to be in a relationship at all, two people have to actually physically hang out to see if they’re mentally compatible. Sometimes you find out that you two are better off as friends or just don’t want the same things in the long run. It happens. Then life goes on.
Dating does not (always) equal sex
Second, although there are those among us who assume everyone is opening their legs as quickly as they open their mouths, this is not a requirement. Is it possible that some women are banging every man they come in contact with? Sure, but Lori Harvey is childless and carefree. So even if she is getting it in, she’s certainly being safe. And why are the Lori Harvey gripers never complaining about Nick “Mr. Fertile” Cannon?
Recommended Read: “No, not every woman needs to go through a ho phase ~ If only sex ed was as widely embraced as being sexually liberated”
Dating does not (always) equal parenthood
Third, every couple does not have to end up being a baby momma or a baby daddy. While your social circle may commonly have this result, your social circle is not the entire universe. Twitter gynecologists are ridiculing a 25-year-old about “geriatric pregnancy” (although she still has 10 years to go — and Janet Jackson, Halle Berry and Beyonce as examples of older moms among everyday women). More often than not, the same person making fun of women for not having kids are the same ones complaining about the mother of their own child(ren). Why do you need her to join you in the woes of child support court? Additionally, and quiet as it’s kept, not all women want to be mothers. If you do, by all means, go forth and multiply. But stop obsessing over the women who do not.
Recommended Read: “Can men and women truly be platonic friends? ~ While my immediate answer is ‘yes,’ attraction level is the barrier”
Black men can be nonsexual friends
Fourth, stop trying to tell people what their sexual orientation is. Although she hasn’t been assumed to be a lesbian, Michael B. Jordan caught strays for no reason on this. This belief that Michael B. Jordan (or any black man with friends) is gay is strange. Black men can be friends — and just friends. You see them on a daily basis, on the basketball court, at lunch, in the parking lot, in retail stores, strolling at frat parties, hanging out in movie theaters and even double-dating … women.
They are living, breathing people walking among us. (Side note: Solid friendships with men who you can have impressive business relationships with is commendable too. Salute to Ryan Coogler and the late Chadwick Boseman.) But let’s just say Michael B. Jordan releases a statement one day and says he is gay. How does that change your anus? Is yours clean? Do you wipe it regularly? Is it getting doctor checkups? If you’re not a gay man, why are you this invested in another man’s anus? Worry about the butt you sit on each day — and no one else’s.
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
As an Amazon affiliate, I earn a percentage from each product purchased using my referral link.
Your imagination is misleading
Fifth, they don’t know you. As a matter of fact, most celebrity women and single women you see walking down the street don’t know you either. They’ve never talked to you about their relationships. You don’t know the ins and outs of why they broke up. But your imagination has created an entire fiction section in Barnes & Noble (with $5-off coupons on Amazon) about how the entire single female population is single. Can you not find real-life friends of your own to have real-life conversations about real-life scenarios?
Good guy or the wrong guy?
Sixth, as long as you are this “good guy” in a happy, loving, great relationship, blowing a woman’s back out and making her applaud when you walk in a room, how and why are you this upset about single ladies? Why do they bother you so much? Why not use that passion for this body-oddy-oddy, beautiful, intelligent, ride-or-die woman that you’re making skip down the street?
Ladies, why are you so mad?
Finally, for women who hate Lori Harvey for acting exactly like the polar opposite of you, that’s your problem, not hers. You do it your way. Let her date her way. If your way is the “right” way, why worry about what she’s doing? She, nor any other single women, are sitting around pondering on your (lack of a) love life. Finding yourself some business is easy to do. Start today!
Did you enjoy this post? You’re also welcome to check out my Substack columns “Black Girl In a Doggone World,” “BlackTechLogy,” “Homegrown Tales,” “I Do See Color,” “One Black Woman’s Vote” and “Window Shopping” too. Subscribe to this newsletter for the weekly posts every Wednesday.
If you’re not ready to subscribe but want to support my writing, you’re welcome to tip me for this post! I’ll buy a dark hot chocolate on you. Thanks for reading!