10 times KevOnStage and Tony Baker take me down memory lane with Michael Jackson music
My then-and-now take on Michael Jackson music videos with commentary from the "Bald Brothers" podcast
“Smooth Operator” is the only right answer. That was my first thought when the Bald Brothers (comedians Tony Baker and KevOnStage) started counting down the top 10 Michael Jackson music videos on their podcast. Although “Butterflies” will forever be my favorite Michael Jackson song followed closely by “Human Nature,” neither song has an official music video. (SWV did feature him in their song-sampled video.)
Even though my favorite Michael Jackson songs have no visuals, I enjoyed this podcast episode enough to hear their top 10. (Like those two, I also purposely blocked out the ridiculous “You Are Not Alone” music video with Lisa Marie Presley. The song was cool, not the video. I can’t defend “Jam” at all.)
As a grown woman re-watching these videos, I did see things that completely went over my head as a girl. Join me in my trip down memory lane.
10 random lessons from Michael Jackson videos
1. Music video release date for “Smooth Criminal”: October 13, 1988
My memory of it before re-watching today: I think I bumped and bruised every part of my body trying to lean like him and copy the choreography. No matter how many hip-hop and dance classes I took, nothing would help me master that scene. I settled for staring googly-eyed at my childhood crush Brandon Q. Adams.
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My new lesson learned today: If anybody throws a pool ball at you, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to mess up a finger trying to catch it. And I’ve been to a shooting range before. Not one self-defense lesson included shooting backwards without looking at who I’m shooting. And how does no one even have a splinter after broken glass fell from the roof? These fight scenes were ridiculous and so was all that moaning, but the dancing is amazing. He does a way better job of checking his surroundings than I do. No cell phones back then.
2. Music video release date for “Thriller”: December 2, 1983
My memory of it before re-watching today: I was the kind of kid who read Stephen King, R.L. Stine’s “Goosebumps” and “Fear Street” books for fun, so this wasn’t nearly as scary as some of my peers made it out to be. If the movie or book had no life-like dolls in it, I was chilling.
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My new lesson learned today: He didn’t even wait 24 hours before letting her know who his representative was. I think every woman has gone “What the hell? Who is this guy?” after finally letting her guard down. The fact that Michael was munching popcorn and having the time of his life in this movie theater while his date was scared by this horror film should have been red flag number one. That whole date was chaotic as soon as she got the ring. I respect “Diarra from Detroit” for playing out the after-we-have-sex relationship scenes. Get the red flags out early and often! Know who you’re really dating. (I can’t wait for Season 2 of “Diarra from Detroit” to release.)
3. Music video release date for “Billie Jean”: March 10, 1983
My memory of it before re-watching today: I only recall the song as a deadbeat dad anthem. I vaguely recalled the light-up sidewalk but had no opinions on it other than that.
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My new lesson learned today: As much as I loved watching that moving floor and robotic hands used to dress “The Jetsons” household, it would be even cooler to just have a coin tossed in a cup and immediately be immaculately dressed from head to toe like the unhoused man sleeping by the garbage can. If tigers could’ve turned into shawls, Tiger King would be nonexistent. Bummer. Either way, this video made me want to log into somebody’s charity site and donate.
4. Music video release date for “Remember the Time”: February 2, 1992
My memory of it before re-watching today: I thought this video was hysterical and disrespectful. Michael Jackson couldn’t’ve have cared less that he was openly flirting with Iman Abdulmajid right in front of Eddie Murphy. When a man knows who he wants, nothing will stop him — not even a king. No wonder Usher, who has been vocal about his love for MJ, is causing havoc in people’s relationships in real life.
Also, I thought it was cool that John Singleton directed the music video and followed me on then-Twitter. Although a few celebs followed me when I was on that social media platform, he was one of the most random ones. I wish I would’ve reached out to interview him. May he rest in peace.
Fun fact: Fashion Fair and IMAN Cosmetics were my go-to for makeup in high school, and they always had complementary shades for brown skin.
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My new lesson learned today: I never noticed how often Michael Jackson loved to turn into felines. This was a missed opportunity for every cat man getting overlooked on dating sites. If I was them, I would absolutely be bringing up this legendary pop icon doing this. Co-host Tony Baker has also brought up his own pet cats before and stands 10 toes down defending cat dads.
5. Music video release date for “Beat It”: March 31, 1983
My memory of it before re-watching today: I could hear the beat in my head as soon as he said it, and of course I remembered the fight scene. Between this video, “Breakin’” and “House Party,” I imagined every adult party always included a dance-off and couldn’t wait to get to college.