10 ways to figure out if (s)he really has ‘a black friend’
Note: This may not apply for all black people, but it applies to enough
When I invited a Japanese friend of mine from college over for Thanksgiving, she immediately accepted the invitation. While I knew bare minimum about kinrōkanshahi (the Japanese version of Thanksgiving), she was also just as unfamiliar with an American Thanksgiving celebration — specifically an African-American Thanksgiving celebration.
I could go into all the fun and memorable moments — including her runaway car on the way to Chicago — but one of the most entertaining moments for me was her reaction to collard greens. She loved those so much that she returned home to a 12 x 12 dorm to make pots of it until she got it right. If it was not clear before, it was aromatically clear to the rest of the dorm that my Japanese friend had a legitimate black friend (a couple actually, we both flew out for her grad school graduation).
I bring that story up because of the reaction to this “Most Popular Thanksgiving Sides” map on Twitter. One of the stand-outs was, “When did Mac and Cheese get added to the Thanksgiving menu??? [vomit emoji]” There was no way around it. I mentioned the obvious to the person tweeting it, “Well, that tells me you have no black friends.”
She smiled and didn’t deny it. (It’s all love. I still follow her, and her tweets are regularly on point.) I’m not even saying all African-American folks have (baked, not boxed) macaroni and cheese at Thanksgiving. All I’m saying is in 39 years of sitting in front of black folks over the holidays, I have never not ever seen macaroni missing from the table. And no, it’s not a main course meal.
So the next time someone tells you they have a “black friend,” ask any questions below (some are light work, others get uncomfortable, the rest are done humoring the “black friend” plug) to solidify whether it’s true. Otherwise, this “friend” may really just be a random melanin-rich person in the breakroom or stuck sitting next to him/her at the company party.
THE LIGHT WORK “BLACK FRIEND” INVESTIGATION
Her hair looks so healthy. Do you know what oil she uses?
If this person has no idea what “oiling a scalp” means, then this “friend” is someone who has never been comfortable enough to be seen in a hair wrap or getting her hair done. You two are not friends.
ADVERTISEMENT ~ Amazon
As an Amazon affiliate, I earn a percentage from purchases with my referral links. I know some consumers are choosing to boycott Amazon for its DEI removal. However, after thinking about this thoroughly, I want to continue promoting cool products from small businesses, women-owned businesses and (specifically) Black-owned businesses who still feature their items on Amazon. As of the first date of Black History Month 2025, each new post will ALWAYS include a MINIMUM of one product sold by a Black-owned business. (I have visited the seller’s official site to verify that Amazon Black-owned logo.) I am (slowly) doing this with older, popular posts too. If you still choose to boycott, I 100% respect that decision.
However, if this non-black person has actually greased a scalp, you know she’s in there. She didn’t need Solange’s song about why it’s not OK to touch black women’s hair; she already did it with a voluntary nod. My college roommate (white woman) used to grease my scalp all the time. The way she clumsily parted hair was worse than my brother trying to brush my ponytail though. Don’t take this chance.
Recommended Read: “I wrap my hair, deal with it! ~ The odd responses to black women who wear head wraps and scarves”