Black seniors may be increasing as solo agers
Being single and childless doesn't mean you can't create your own family (and emergency contacts)
When a close friend of the family told me his sister died, I immediately said what most people say: “My condolences.”
But it was the story he told me after that which really caught my attention. His sister died of a brain tumor. And because she had no children or a husband, her family didn’t know what to do with her stuff. She hadn’t left a will. And the family friend ended up in probate court with a bunch of relatives who all swore up and down that they were entitled to her belongings, especially her money.
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As someone with absolutely no motherly instincts who is childless by choice, his probate court story sat with me. I’ve always shrugged my shoulders about marriage, but I’m not opposed to it in the same way I am being a mother. No thanks! But at the moment he told the story, I realized how short life is and started drafting a will. I wasn’t going to wait for a genie to come out of a bottle to find the perfect man. I needed to make a plan now!
This was long before I bought a condo unit, adopted a dog, invested in stocks and bonds, or was making any sort of residual income from writing. At the time, I just had an at-will employer who could’ve gotten rid of me at any moment — and a contract banning me from working for any competitor. I was changing my phone number almost every year after I fell out with some guy for this or that reason. And I owned nothing to brag about, other than a new three-seater couch and a magazine collection.
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The emergency contact story that put things into perspective
Years later, I wrote an article about aging alone and another moment stayed with me. There was a woman in the group interview who looked at me and made a comment that almost made my neck snap back: “I have no emergency contacts.”
I had five emergency contacts for decades until one of them passed away. The other four are still alive, although I mainly list two on my in case of emergency (ICE) lists attached to my refrigerator, inside my purse and my dog-walking bag. In my early 40s, I'm aware that some day, that number could decrease considering my ICE contacts are all older than me. I’ve had several relatives who lived into their 90s (on both sides of the family) and one who lived to be 100, but not everyone made it to that age nor are there any promises that I will (although I’m pretty optimistic about it).
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Aging gracefully and longer
According to an AARP 2025 report, 21% of U.S. adults age 50 and older — about 24 million people — live alone without a partner or anyone else in their household. That doesn’t mean they’re wringing their hands for money either. More solo aging women 50-plus and solo agers 70-plus have investments and someone to help manage them, which is often a sibling (38%) or a financial advisor (35%).
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They’re not depending on a child to save the day, which is a thought process that has never sat well with me. If you only have children to be your caregivers, then why aren’t nursing facilities empty? All of those people are not childless, including the people I interviewed. And what happens if the child is not financially responsible enough or mature enough to take care of their senior parents?