Why Black girls should always take ownership of their hair
Speaking up about how you want your hair to be styled as a child creates a more assertive adult woman
The first time I saw this video of the little girl talking to her beautician, I didn’t smile. I wasn’t impressed. I huffed and rolled my eyes at the girl requesting how her braids should be positioned on her shoulders and when the single-use headband should come off. I didn’t pay attention to the smile, the “excuse me” or the “thank you.” I just wondered why she didn’t let the beautician work on her hair in peace without weighing in.
Then, I visualized that one time when I was screaming and crying because of a childhood beautician trying to make sure my relaxer was straight, knowing full well that I had an open scratch on the “kitchen” area of my head. She was slower than the lady who would chain smoke and eat chocolate chip cookies while doing my hair, but my skin was never boiling when I left the salon of the Cookie Lady.
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I also visualized a close friend threatening to whoop her child for being tender-headed. He screamed bloody murder with snot bubbles coming out of his nose while she braided his hair into tight cornrows. Unlike a cousin of mine, screaming and running away never worked for him. (My cousin would bolt out of any room as soon as she heard “braids.”)
Then, I thought about the time when a relative was annoyed at elementary-school-age me wanting to have my hair in ponytails with bangs instead of flowing on my shoulders like hers — regardless of my paternal grandmother and my own mother knowing full well that someone as physically active as me would sweat those curls out in less than 24 hours. It was already a struggle to make curls stay in place for my pony-thick hair. In my attempt to please the family member, I got a hairstyle I didn’t want — and the curls were flat in a few hours.
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Finally, I thought of that time (in my 20s) that I showed a new beautician a long-bob haircut I wanted. I watched him cut my hair way too short on each side and sulked, wondering why my high school beautician left beauty salons altogether and became a bus driver. I showed him the photo again, and he still ignored me. I gritted my teeth and wondered why my backup high school beautician (at the bus driver’s salon) gave up her part-time job and decided to go back to the assembly line of a car manufacturer full-time.
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Why couldn’t this guy go build somebody’s car or turn one of those ginormous school bus steering wheels, and my two trusty beauticians keep their old jobs? And why was I picking beauticians who were so into cars? Either way, those two ladies knew how to cut and style hair like magazine photos — without the cookies, the perm burns or the cigarettes. I could look past one constantly being late to arrive for appointments and the other insisting on never voting. I just needed them to do my hair well enough for me to disappear for a couple months without needing them again. I guess school kids and car buyers were a more loyal customer base. This guy? I paid him one time and never returned.
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The real reason this hair video bothered me
I read through the comment section and realized I may have been envious of this little girl on the social media post. She was a necessary example of someone maintaining power of her entire body, from the scalp on down. While I was unapologetically vocal about pretty much every other topic as a child and teen, hair was the one area I was far too bashful about until my late teens. I just let beauticians do their thing and dealt with the results — while I quietly watched enough professionals color hair, perm hair, curl hair, style hair, wrap hair and cut hair. (I’ve never worn weave, wigs or braids, so protective hairstyles aren’t an option for me. To each her own.)
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I stepped off that footrest after the long-bob nightmare with the male beautician, and that was the last time I was quiet about my hair. I wasn’t even surprised during the growing-back phase when it touched and fell off my shoulders and down my back from me taking care of it. I’d watched enough professionals demonstrate what to do, but I was most comfortable doing it myself. I was taking ownership of my hair — like the girl in the video.