To white parents, one size does not fit all
Five tips for white parents trying to raise non-racist children
Babysitter. It’s the one thing I never really wanted to be as a kid, although I had more than 100 “The Babysitter’s Club” books and a personal letter from author Ann M. Martin. I have never wanted children, nor do I feel I’m qualified to give people advice about parenthood 99.9 percent of the time. So it always puzzles me when non-black parents will reach out to me as an advice vessel for their child(ren). A very small part of me understands it — there are things I will be able to explain as an African-American woman that non-black parents simply will never experience.
When the stepmother of my college roommate asked me to babysit her child, I fully understood where she was coming from: embarrassment. Her daughter had just asked me were my hands “burned” after seeing the exterior of my hand did not match my palm. From that observation alone, it was pretty obvious she’d never been around many dark-skinned black people. And considering the way this little girl had snuggled up on my lap, we clearly had bonded. While the college roommate and I had a big falling out and I got an off-campus apartment, the one thing I regret most is not staying in touch with her little sister.
Recommended Read: “Melanin talk: The simplest way to discuss race to youth ~ Explaining race and skin tones before racism can begin”
But again, I’m not a parent. I’m also not a representative for all black women, all black people, all Chicagoans, all unmarried women, all short women, all childless women — you get the idea. I am but one of many with opinions. Interestingly though, I still receive the occasional email from an instructor or parent who wants to ask me a question about race. But instead of feeling flattered, I usually end up cringing during the query.
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Why? One example of this is an email that came to my inbox this morning from a southern white parent who wanted to run a few incidents by me to get my thoughts. First off, I do appreciate the initiative to reach out to others unlike oneself. But what immediately made me pause was this sentence, “I love your writing style and the fact that you are so forward with current issues (I hate to say race related, but that reflects the times we are living in) and have learned a lot.”
If, in 82 entries of this “I Do See Color” series, you still “hate to say race related,” then we’re already having a problem. I didn’t write 82 posts about race to “hate” to talk about the topic. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And as far as “the times we are living in,” you mean United States history dating back to the Middle Passage? Because if the reference is to Donald Trump, the 45th (questionable) president didn’t invent nor is he the first to pull any of the horrendous stunts he’s done from 2016 to 2020. That’s a learned behavior that is centuries older than him.