The FAQ guide for anti-racist racists
Auto responses to your “I’m not racist” race questions
You have questions. I know, I know. There are a lot of things you simply do not understand about these complaining minorities. They’re never happy. Amiright? No more worries. This guide will help answer all of your frequently asked questions (FAQs) so you don’t have to find that one melanin-rich person who couldn’t run away fast enough for you to start your sentence with, “I’m not racist, but _______________.” Let’s go.
Why do black people and other minorities make everything about race?
Outstanding question. Former President Abraham Lincoln is not here to answer the reason behind the 13th Amendment, Rep. John A. Bingham of Ohio is long gone and can’t speak of the 14th Amendment. President Lyndon B. Johnson is out for the count to talk about the 15th Amendment. And since Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott are no longer with us to talk about the 19th Amendment, I’m here to tell you. But first, how did you figure out that black people make everything about race — without paying attention to the race of the people?
I don’t see color. Why do you?
So, am I just supposed to ignore how your optometrist is treating you? You don’t feel any kind of need to report this to your health insurer? Not even a strongly worded Yelp review?
My black friends do not have a problem when ______________.
Nope, nope, nope. Stop right there. At the last Black People Meeting, we decided from here on out that these black friends must be standing next to you when you make these statements. I’ll provide the meeting minutes later. Go get him/her. Also, how do you not see a color but always know which friend to bring up in every race-related conversation? Are there prescription glasses for this, like the kind people use for driving?
Can you explain to me why black people have a problem when I do _______________?
Absolutely! Click this new website called “Google” and then type this action into the search engine. Pages and pages will show up full of op-eds from minority writers about why we oppose this.