'The Pivot Podcast' hosts handled domestic violence awareness like I wish all men would
How to bring awareness regarding domestic violence without playing whataboutism
Writer’s note: The following post was originally published on Substack’s now-defunct “We Need To Talk” series on July 10, 2024. It has now been moved to “I Do See Color.”
I love “The Pivot Podcast,” but I’ve never been into watching football. I go to Superbowl parties solely for food and mingling. I’ve bought more Chicago Bears paraphernalia for my father than I can count. Still, I wouldn’t recognize five athletes total if they walked right by me — unless they were involved in some kind of social justice advocacy or a crime.
I didn’t know who any of the three podcast host/athletes were. And I’m not altogether certain what made me gravitate to their podcast channel. I’d enjoyed a few episodes of “All the Smoke” and “Iman Amongst Men” when those podcast host/athletes had non-athletes on the show. So I initially started out scrolling through “The Pivot Podcast” episodes for the same reasons: to find celeb interviews and focus on familiar faces.
Recommended Read: “The Pivot Podcast hosts check Andrew Schulz on 'the black girlfriend effect' ~ A perfect example of black men protecting black women”
I quickly realized that celebrities were getting in the way of who I really wanted to hear from: NFL stars Ryan Clark, Fred Taylor and Channing Crowder. The episodes when it was just those three sitting around talking in a backyard or living room were the best. I watched pretty much all of their interviews, including with athletes and a couple entertainers I still have no interest in, but I kept zooming in on the trio-only interviews when they would talk about their own lives or current events. I like them so much I didn’t want to give them any chance to NOT like them!
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 45.1% of Black women experienced physical violence, sexual violence or stalking from their intimate partner, while 40.1 % of Black men experienced those abuses.
I bring this up because my first emotion was exhaustion when I saw one of their latest episodes; it revolves around domestic violence and NFL player DeAndre Hopkins’ mother Sabrina Greenlee. Entirely too many times when the topic of domestic violence comes up in a room of men, excuses start coming up. I say this from experience. I’ve dated three men who came from abusive households. I’ll get to that later.
I could not be more proud nor relieved by the way NFL stars Ryan Clark, Fred Taylor and Channing Crowder handled domestic violence awareness. It took me two weeks and restarting the video five times in the first minute before I finally sat still and watched the full thing. My shoulders immediately relaxed. FINALLY male podcasters got it right.
When male podcasters fail at talking about domestic violence
I was furious by the end of the “Joe Budden Podcast” episode in response to the video of Diddy beating and dragging his now-ex-girlfriend/singer Cassie in a Los Angeles hotel hallway in 2016. Instead of focusing on what actually happened (and not nicknaming it “DV”), all I kept hearing was whataboutisms and nonstop topic changes.
Melyssa Ford was reprimanded for talking about men who allowed the abuse to happen, and Joe Budden’s crew immediately brought up how men get abused too. I’m not denying that one in four men (28.5%) and one in three women (35.6%) have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. But the odds of a woman physically beating the daylights out of a man are slim. And if Diddy was bold enough to beat her up in a public hallway, why would he be Mr. Peaceful in front of his friends? AND RIGHT NOW WE’RE TALKING ABOUT DIDDY AND ALL THE MEN HE WAS AROUND, NOT A MAN WHO WAS ABUSED BY A WOMAN.
Trevor "Queenzflip" Robinson admitted he used to be abusive to women and started not to show up for this Joe Budden Podcast episode. I respected his honesty but not so much him immediately jumping to “forgiveness” and how men can change. NAH, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON RIGHT NOW, NOT 10 YEARS LATER WHEN DIDDY “CAN” CHANGE HIS PERSONALITY AS MUCH AS HE CHANGES HIS NAME.
Emanny Salgado was the most annoying of all, pondering on whether people will skip over a Diddy song, changing the subject to R. Kelly's music, complaining about Twitter replies to his “character” and rambling on about how he was criticized for being friends with Joe Budden (who has been accused of being abusive to three well-known exes). The man could not stop talking about himself or focus on the primary topic: Diddy and Cassie. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYLIST NOR IS THIS EPISODE INTENDED TO FOCUS ON YOUR FRIEND GROUP. STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF THE STAR OF THE EPISODE.
And if you look at the comment section of that Joe Budden podcast episode, all you’ll see is a flood of comments about how “things happen” in relationships, critiquing the psychologist who called in and complaining about Cassie staying in the relationship, completely dismissing that survivors of abuse return to their abusive partners an average of seven times before they leave for good. And in this leaked video, Cassie was clearly trying to leave Diddy in this hotel. The footage is clear proof of how Diddy responds to Cassie not following his demands.
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I knew The Breakfast Club would say something about the Cassie-Diddy video for gossip’s sake, but I gave up on liking that show once it turned into FOX News. Plus, I’d already heard enough flippant comments from “The Breakfast Club” co-host Charlamagne tha God about how he used to hit women too.
“We all done put our hands on a chick at some point,” Charlamagne told Vlad TV. “Y’all could sit there and act like y’all haven’t. You’ve choked a chick. At the least, pinched her. … I’ve definitely put my hands on a girl before.”
National Domestic Violence Hotline: On average, one in three women experience domestic violence (33.3%) and one in four men experience domestic violence (25%), showing that African Americans are disproportionately affected by this issue.
But “The Breakfast Club” has never been my go-to for productive, enlightening or even intelligent conversations. Laughs? Maybe. Gossip? Sure. But once they delve into politics, women’s rights or anything related to social justice, it’s always a bunch of nonsense. Even after replacing one host, that crew still manages to ruin the show.
“The Pivot Podcast” is the exact opposite (although Channing is very funny). Still, I kept thinking, “I truly don’t want this to be the episode that makes me throw in the towel on this podcast.” By them being NFL players — and knowing the troubling record of NFL players in domestic violence relationships — I didn’t know if I was going to get TBC or Joe Budden Podcast Round 2.
Recommended Read: “Does anybody hate women more than Justice Clarence Thomas? ~ 8-1 ruling: Supreme Court rejects Second Amendment challenge allowing people with restraining orders to own a gun”
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'The Pivot Podcast’ proved me wrong
I could not be more proud nor relieved by the way NFL stars Ryan, Fred and Channing handled domestic violence awareness. It took me two weeks and restarting the video five times during the intro before I finally completely watched the interview. From Ryan’s first (blunt) question, my shoulders immediately relaxed. They were not going to blame her, change the subject or try to find a way to coddle her abusers. FINALLY male podcasters — specifically African-American male podcasters — got it right. I watched the interview twice.
And then there was me — “the lion”
I once dated a man who told me, “Dating you is like dating a lion. I’m supposed to be the king of the jungle, but you want to be the king too.”