Why the Whitley Gilberts and Meghan Markles are threatening to racists
Yes, you are about 99% likely to be racist if you hate 'With Love, Meghan'
When my parents told me that we were moving in a house across the alley, I was a little confused. I was excited about the idea of me and my brother having our own bedrooms, but I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around leaving our apartment. I liked hanging out with their landlord and playing Solitaire in her kitchen. I liked tagging along to chat with the landlord’s grandson and still missed my childhood crush (and neighbor) who’d moved from Chicago to somewhere in Indiana with his younger brother. And I was going to miss the lady on the first floor, who for some unknown reason always had a basket of fresh strawberries and fresh peaches on her porch.
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While my parent’s landlord was a sarcastic, chain smoker who was definitely giving me second-hand smoke exposure, I loved her as much as the fruit lady. I’d also gotten used to seeing Black real estate investors. But I was too young to realize that my parents becoming homeowners was a big deal. They could call this place across the alley a home of their own — even though the prior owner was sketchy as hell and there definitely had to be some work done on the house before, during and after we moved in. But I was sold on the home as soon as I saw it, especially my freshly painted room with bright pink carpet. It looked like a Barbie doll house.
However, because the house was across the alley, I could easily return to the apartment for fresh peaches and strawberries. And I could walk a couple of houses down to another neighbor’s home, who was always giving me tips on a flower garden. She had a rose garden that looked stunning, along with a bunch of other beautiful flowers.
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These are the stories that are definitely overlooked when describing the South Side of Chicago in newsrooms — and I’m saying that as someone who has worked in three. When I visualize Black homeowners, I think of gardeners, landlords and grandparents looking after their kids. I think of meatless spaghetti, backyard BBQs and playing outside. But if you’ve never been around Black homeowners who had this kind of flexibility, freedom and joyousness, this is a foreign concept to you.
These memories came flooding back to me last week when I involuntary ran into two attempts to bond. Both ended up being terribly racist — and an easily avoidable conversation — about Black women who have money.
When trying to bond goes terribly wrong — and racist (Part 1)
A few days ago, someone responded to a comment I made about loving “A Different World” on a #BlackSky thread. A white lady user responded, telling me how much she loved the show because she and Whitley Gilbert both “loved bad boys.” I paused over that comment, reflecting on this well-to-do Black woman who was a magnet for Black men who were as financially stable as her father. Neither Julian nor Byron Douglas were “bad boys” — and Dwayne Wayne was too busy bragging about his SAT scores to commit any crimes (other than sneaking into the women’s dorm for his “Shake Me Wake Me” gig).
This Bluesky user brought up Whitley having a crush on Freddie Brooks’ pen pal in prison. I really had to dust off my memory bank for this one episode. Then, I recalled that the prison pen pal was actually an undercover reporter and not in prison at all. I reminded her of this. She switched to talking about Whitley’s views on money. I reminded her that the character’s father was indeed wealthy.
Instead of acknowledging Whitley came from a wealthy family, she abruptly pointed out how she grew up in a white supremacist community and how she had to sneak and watch the show. It was her first introduction to HBCUs. She went on to say people should “talk more” about how white people are bullied for liking Black TV shows.
But I was still stuck on this undercover reporter. Finally, I asked her how she watched six seasons of a show about a plethora of personalities on a historically Black college campus, including well-to-do Whitley, but the only thing she came away with was one episode about a prisoner.
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She switched subjects to how she was in an interracial relationship — as if dating a non-white person gave her a pass. Then, she started counting off all the Black shows she’d seen — none of which had anything in common other than having melanin-rich people as the stars. After a bit more back and forth, the conversation never improved — and I was still disappointed by her takeaway from a show I adored for the HBCU experience.
When trying to bond goes terribly wrong — and racist (Part 2)
The second example was on Bluesky again (and I thought I dodged this digital bullet by leaving Twitter over a year ago). There was a post regarding why people hate Meghan Markle’s Netflix show “With Love, Meghan.” This update was brand new to me. I had no idea people were furious at the show. According to one user, he was fed up with rich people “flexing.”
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Like using the phrase “woke,” I’m immediately irritated when people use slang terms incorrectly — and when they go mainstream. So, I asked this user what exactly was “flexing” about a Black woman showcasing do-it-yourself projects like making candles, gardening, making homemade dog biscuits, baking Focaccia bread from scratch and showing how to make popcorn out of corn on the cob. If anything, Meghan Markle was acting like she didn’t know what her bank account balance was. And her fruit and vegetable garden reminded me of my grandfather’s — another homeowner in Chicago.
The user said people who married into money should stop throwing it in our faces. I then reminded him that Meghan Markle was a model and an actress before she met Prince Harry. In fact, her IMDB page dated way back to 1995 on “Married With Children.” She and Harry quietly dated for four months in 2016 — two decades after she’d already been known as an actress. This social media user then admitted he didn’t know much about her. And I shook my head.
Yet again, somebody was sticking their foot in their mouth about the idea of a successful Black woman and couldn’t wrap their mind around Black women being financially comfortable — as both a TV character and a real-life actress. Both women were immediately written off as stereotypes.
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But what bugged me out was not just that, but the idea that it was somehow wrong for a Black woman to be a homeowner, a gardener, a DIYer, a candle maker, a lover of healthy foods. The kind of DIY activities she was doing on this show was the same kind of stuff I would earn Girl Scout badges for doing — with a trio of Black women Girl Scout leaders (and homeowners) nearby to make sure we left our meeting space intact. We were a bunch of happy Black women and girls enjoying each other’s company.
Is that the real reason people hate “With Love, Meghan” — or is it that the show highlighted too many happily thriving minority business owners, including the Korean cook who talked about the racist history of MSG, the Japanese skin care product owner who talked about how her family was not allowed in certain restaurants or the renowned Mexican-American chef who became the 2024 California Michelin Bib Gourmand winner? Was it just too many Black and Brown entrepreneurs and homeowners networking, and some viewers needed us to knock off that “DEI”?
Why Whitley and Meghan have something in common
For a South Side Chicago daughter of homeowners and a current homeowner — who grew up around Black and Brown people who had their own businesses and real estate — Meghan Markle’s show is my idea of normal. So, when I see people who seem to have a problem with “With Love, Meghan,” it speaks volumes about them, not Meghan Markle.
When the backlash is not unapologetic ignorance or bigotry, it’s bizarre obliviousness. Quiet as it’s kept, there are black women who come from money (the Whitleys of the world) and those who earned their way to a higher income without nepotism (the Meghans of the world). But some people just assume they’re “uppity” or “flexing” when they’re really just living their lives like any other race of women.
And if you’ve never had this same outrage over Martha Stewart or anybody featured in “Better Home & Gardens” and “Good Housekeeping,” ramble about your bitter beefs with someone unlucky enough to have your phone number. Black women like me are sending your ramblings straight to voicemail. Delete.
Did you enjoy this post? You’re also welcome to check out my Substack columns “Black Girl In a Doggone World,” “BlackTechLogy,” “Homegrown Tales,” “I Do See Color,” “One Black Woman’s Vote” and “Window Shopping” too. Subscribe to this newsletter for the weekly posts every Wednesday. Thanks for reading!
I honestly think it’s jealousy and buying into what the tabloids( who have connections to the Royal Family they escaped from) say. Tabitha Brown, B Smith and others have
done similar things and where is the smoke for them? It’s because of how Meghan looks and who she married.
If she married a rapper or athlete, no one would blink. I’m just frustrated that everything is now sold out on her website! LOL